I think its interesting that within a week of posting about my many father-figures I have had two very significant things occur.
The first was at a party for my two cousins (sisters) who are having a double-wedding this summer. I happen to be the MOH of one so I, of course, was there. As was my grandmother: the long-suffering parental unit of, and bail-source for, my father. She asked me if I have spoken lately with my old man and I admitted that I hadn't spoken to him in about a month, to which she stated that she wasn't going to call him again until he called and apologized.
It appears my dad has stopped paying his bills and the creditors are hounding my poor defenseless, and decrepit, old grandparents as my father doesn't like to update his address and their's is his last-known residence.
This is generally a big fat signal that my dad is using again. Joy. Apparently when my grandmother called to scold him into paying his bills he hung up her.
I'm assuming that if I try to call his cell phone it will be turned off, and because I haven't spoken to him in so long I have no idea if he has lost his job.
I don't want to call him because I feel that if he needed to speak with me, or wanted to for that matter, he knows my number.
Then again if he sold his phone for crack money, he wouldn't have it written down.
And... I wouldn't be able to get a hold of him either.
My only anxiety out of this situation is the possibility that he has overdosed, or been evicted, or committed suicide. Being mildly reclusive means that not many people would knock on his door to see if he's ok, and if his dealer looked for him and found him dead there's a slim chance that it would be reported to the police.
These are the things that float around in my mind, occasionally bumping into the rebellious I-won't-call-until-he-does thoughts.
I think I must drive over there after work.
And secondly I got a call from my Padrino (godfather) last night. The one I haven't spoken to in roughly a year. The family that doesn't ever call me to ask how I am, or to let me know they're going to Mexico... or coming back from Mexico... or anything.
And what did he call me for?
Money. Apparently the family business took a nosedive and they're hurting financially.
I just feel so dumped on. Please, ask me how I am from time to time, or make sure that MY life is going ok. Don't call me only for money and think that feeble attempts to find out about my life are going to change the fact that I left numerous un-returned phone calls a year ago and never heard anything since.
And what hurt my heart the most was the shame I heard in the voice of what I know is a very proud man.
But out of all of this at least I have a walee (Islamic guardian) who demands that I come over to his house at least once a week so that they can feed me because I apparently am too skinny.
And I have a husband who loves me more than the world.
Alhumdulillah for everything.