Good News and Bad News

I have good news and bad news.

Good News: I've lost weight since the bridesmaid dress fittings.

Bad News: ...I've lost weight since the bridesmaid dress fittings...

My dress is pathetically large on me, and I wasn't even wearing the girdle I defied natural law and quantum physics to get into.

And its not looking to good in terms of bulking back up before the wedding, I am more stressed than I have ever been in my life.

I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm almost constantly nautious and when I try to sleep at night my mind wakes me up about the most stupid things.

Yesterday was the Belmont Stakes horse race and I was really hoping whatshisface the guy who won the other two and has a son with Usher's disease would win. I don't even know his name, thats how unimportant it really is to me. But yet last night I woke up twice after dreaming about it.

I'm almost to the point that I'm ready to leave everything behind and show up to Egypt just myself and the clothes on my back. What? Luggage? No thanks.

Yesterday was the rehearsal dinner, don't ask me why it was a week before it just was, and it took place at Brunswick Bowl in Blaine. Now, it was great because afterwards we all went bowling and I found that Wii bowling has really improved my game. I'm not even kidding. But I also got food poisoning from the horrific stuff they passed off as food there. I haven't been able to keep anything down for almost 24 hours. I'm currently sipping campbell's chicken noodle and succeeding in keeping it confined to my stomach.

Small victories.

But I've got to figure out how to get my dress taken in one week before the wedding because stress+food poisoning ≠ filling out dresses one size too large.

As soon as I have the energy I'm going to upload a pic of the wicked awesome bag that mi habibtita Gulnari made for me.

{pic to be inserted later}

"Fitting In"

Why does anyone have to "fit in"? Aren't we, as a culture, striving to make a name for ourselves as individuals?

But beyond that even if we are not, why should I or anyone else attempt to fit into the tiny little box everyone else tries to put us in?

Recently my attention was brought to a post by Peaceful Muslimah in which she writes:

"I recently came across a discussion by an American muslimah living in the US lamenting her “homesickness” for an Arab country she visited. Another Muslimah
from that country questioned whether “homesickness” was the correct word/concept. This is just one particular thread but I have read many similar ones over the last year that express similar ideas. Many times Western Muslims glamorize the Arab world as a place where “real” Islam is practiced and often confuse Arab culture with Islamic mandates. I’ve written about this before with regard to converts taking Arab names, wearing Arab clothes and eating only Arab foods. I thought it might be interesting to share my perspective on the issue of Arabophilia."

Of course this is a reference to my post on missing Egypt.

Now I'm not even really upset and when I left a comment it was interpreted as being defensive, but honestly my only real issue with it is that she seems to have stuffed me into the same box as so many others who do legitimately romanticize the Middle East.

However I'm not one of them. I'm not going to Egypt to "get closer to God" or "become Arab" or even "find Islam."

I found Islam, and a more truer form at that, here in the US and I am content with it.

I'm content with who I am, I love to learn other cultures and I am certainly looking forward to getting to know Egyptian culture better but not with the intention of transforming myself into an Egyptian.

I am not obsessed with other, or otherness except in the form of discovering what the "other" believes and thinks and how they view the world. It's called discourse and its my absolute favorite thing in the world.

Today I was reading Artemisia Rants and I came across what I find to be the most brilliantly explained example of how I, myself, view the world and its "other" inhabitants (except in Artemisia's words):

". . . I can see past the surface appeal of this world of ‘otherness’ however, and I have never suggested that it is ‘better’! What interests me is the point where faith and culture meet. I am a strange creature in that I don’t really
trust anything. Only Allah. I can happily love people without trusting, I can
enjoy a culture without trusting, I can move between ideas without trusting.
This tasting of experiences from everwhre is interpreted as superficial, “not
knowing what I want”, but for me, the world is superficial. There are so many
ways of understanding everything. I draw the line at oppression and abuse that
can be quantified. This is where I will stand and judge.

Usually people want to rescue me from my “confusion”, situate me within a definite point of view. But they fail to recognize that I don’t want to be situated anywhere that is closed. My openness is what allows me to float. And I hope to move towards
Allah. I see though that at the moment I am drifting. I don’t need solidity in
my world view, but I need method."

I am not obsessed with "exotica," but I am obsessed with existentialism and I certainly refuse to be fit into a box or conform myself to wear the labels others would like to give me.

I have little to no desire to "fit in."

I think we should do Random Wednesdays

I am thinking that every wednesday should be random Wednesday. You know its the worst day of the week, so why not ramble about completely inane and useless things?

It sounds good to me.


* I was reading the bbc this morning and ran across this "Newsworthy story". Big American newstories involve polititians and prostitutes but apparently in Briton talking on your mobile phone while driving is worthy enough for some front page action.

I'm not saying we should downplay the small things, but really? Talking on your mobile phone? And what really had me was the fact that someone got worked up enough over it to whip out their mobile phone to take a picture.

..and then send it into the police.

..and then it gets put on the front page of bbc international.

Personally, I just don't get it- I stick my phone into my hijab and keep going. Instant handsfree.

(pic to be inserted here)


* One day, after a particularly hilarious but odd conversation with my husband, I realized that we're a lot like 'I Love Lucy'.

Except the part of Ricky is played by a handsome Egyptian. Otherwise all else is the same: I'm nutty and annoying and red-headed.


* Speaking of nutty: I don't know if its just me but 99% of the converted muslimahs I've met have been a bit on the quirky side. Like myself. And when I say quirky I mean really cool laid back chicks with great senses of humor and an understanding and appreciation of the odder parts of society.

I mean, I've met stick in the mud muslimahs who act holier than thou and 'haraam' the most harmless things. (I don't like them very much.)

But most of us are a little bit off, in a good way.


* I got asked if it was a 'chador' that I was wearing by a patient this morning. And then I spent a good five engrossed minutes in explaining the intricacies of muslimah outerwear. I told the patient to come by after his appointment and I'd quiz him on vocabulary.


* Organic Muslimah had a post about whether to support a Muslim business that allows their patrons to bring their own alcoholic beverages but does not actually serve/sell it.

Just to one-up that I guess, I walked into the Muslim-owned corner store by my house and was confronted by a glass case filled with one-hitters and bongs.

At the look I gave the brother working behind the counter he burst into laughter and said, "I know sister, I know, I had a deep discussion with the owners about it and once these are gone, khalas no more."

One down, alcohol and pork still to go.

But it sure is nice to be greeted with a Salaam everytime I go in to buy milk.


* I'm planning on moving to Egypt for a little while inshAllah this summer, however the situation with food prices is making both my husband and I sweat. InshAllah everything will work out, but why do economics have to suck worldwide? I mean, not that we're dealing with anything too detrimental to daily life right now in the US, but it seems like everywhere is feeling a crunch.


* Sometimes the cutest old people come into the clinic and they are just joys to chat with. I had one adorable woman from Austria tell me that I reminded her of her sister who was a nun back home in the Old Country (comparison to a nun number 1,243). She went on to say, "The mother superior asked me to join them as well, but you know, I just couldn't handle that headscarf business."

The celebacy would have done it in for me.


* And last but not least I recommend that everyone should check out Artemesia Rants' blog. Her writing style is amazing and her topics are hard-hitting and thought provoking. Check her out, she's a must-read.


Alright, now I want to call on any readers who have random tidbits they'd like to sound off on. Use my comments and make my day!

And let me know what you think about Random Wednesdays.

I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies

Everyone around me is pregnant or with newborns.

I'm not even exaggerating.

I'm going AZ (inshallah) in two weeks and three of the five of us are pregnant.

I am not one of the three, by the way. In case you were wondering.

I just found out yesterday that my friend had her baby on leap day. MashAllah. I know five more muslimahs from my masjid who are in the family way and going to pop pretty soon inshAllah.

My bestest friend Muslimah Lotus has a bun in her oven too, mashAllah.

Shushu who got married a month after me is also awaiting the stork.

As well as about 5 women who work here in the clinic, and one doctor who is out today giving birth.

I'm not sure, but whatever water they drank from did not fill my cup. (Mariah: high five- no babies!!)

During lunch the topic of the day in the break room was labor and epidurals. Old moms were telling new moms what to expect and exchanging horror labor stories.

And me, well, I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies.

Is it just me or is EVERYONE pregnant?


My husband as a baby, mashAllah, as I threatened him promised.

Who-Wha? The life of a new day in new shoes.

So I have what is colloquially termed as 'the crud' which consists of random aches, pains, nausea, and other icky-no-good things but which cannot actually be attributed to an AMA-recognized disease. Mine also came conveniently packaged with sores on the back of my throat which spawned overnight while I was sleeping. I don't recall eating barbed-wire last night for dinner, but apparently I did because my gullet feels like a battlefield. I decided to slap my two fifteens together and go curl up on a couch somewhere secluded in the massive patient waiting room. And evidently its normal in some people's world to approach unknown women curled into armadillo-like balls and strike up a conversation.

Strange/Creepy Man: So, how are you? (a la Joey Tribbiani + x5 creep factor)

Me: *sitting up immediately and searching for my shoes* Oh, just fine.

Creepy McCreepster: Oh no, you don't have to leave.

Me: *with a shudder and a new world record for putting on shoes* Well, I should be getting back.

C McC: So, are you waiting for a doctor?

Me: *getting up to leave* No, as unprofessional as this sounds I actually work here.

I instead pestered a CA and commandeered an unused consult room that I could securely lock with a couch upon which I sprawled haphazardly like a dying walrus and proceeded to snore away my break. Much better and more comfortable than having to demurely roll myself into a ball in a public place. Thank you, Creepy McC.

I emerged from this cave looking bleary and tousled, much like a receptionist who just had a quick amorous scuffle with the mailroom clerk- without the clerk or the amorous scuffle.

I was generously offered the afternoon off- I wonder if this is more because my coworkers want to fumigate my station rather than actual altruism- but I decided that spending the next few hours fighting with my stomach about unloading the mashed potatoes I was able to choke down for lunch would go better if I was paid for them.

Call me capitolistic.

And just to make my day so much more enjoyable I am walking around in new shoes which haven't been stretched to fit my feet giving me cramped toes and blistered heels. Payless was having a BOGO sale and it prompted me to finally retire my favorite red and black shoes (which have long ago seen their best days.)

(rockstar shoes)


These shoes have been loyal to me for five years, crossing many borders and seeing many sights. They've taken me to three continents and carried me through many airports. They were also the worst shoes I could wear out of my arsenal because with their platform soles and my curved feet I constantly rolled my ankles at random moments to the point that my husband actually looked at me and asked, "are you sure there's not something wrong with you?"

But I digress, these shoes have been the object of much envy and admiration through the years, and I will miss them.

And with the BOGO sale I am now the proud owner of a sophisticated pair of heeled mules and these devilish(ly cute) mary-janes which are causing me so much suffering today.

(the SOH shoes)

(and by SOH I mean Spawn of Hell which I lovingly named them on the long hike back to the parking ramp.)

I knew they were going to be trouble-makers and stood for a good 5 minutes this morning deciding which shoes to wear today. However since the mules looked positively preposterous with my wicked-awesome flagrantly-colored toe socks, I opted for the mary-janes. It usually hurts to look this cute.

So farewell to the marvelous red and black shoes I long ago named Mickey.

It was a good five years.

Can I go home and sleep now?

I should have stayed in bed today

This is one of those days where it clearly would have benefitted me, and the world at large, to stay in bed. I forgot my cell phone and my work badge at home this morning, my hijab won't stay pinned, and none of the machines will work for me.

I'm not crabby so much as resigned to my fate for today.

But can I at least go home and go back to bed?

It would benefit us all.

Also I think I lost my readers. *tear* Am I so boring?

Is it Friday yet?

I have just been informed by my coworker (who I adore and is the only reason I stay in this job) that I am, now, officially the biggest dork she's met.
Woot! I've accomplished something today.

What are everyone's thoughts today? How is your day going? Feel free to complain on my comments section. I think its a bad day for everyone so let it out.