Ahlan Wa Sahlan

Ahlan Wa Sahlan

Sunday, March 2, 2008

The art of women...

I watched The Other Boleyn Girl with my mom tonight and in one scene the mother of Anne says to her "you must learn how to control men by letting them think that they are the ones in control, that is the art of women."

I leaned to my mom and said, "Thats how the Arab women do it."

Among the couple in front of us, the woman turns to look at the man who bursts into laughter, nodding a bit sheepishly.

And a woman behind us comments rather loudly, "Well things don't change much, do they?"

No, things don't change much at all.

I do want to make one comment about the injustices of life: the king sleeps with whatever woman he fancies and no one says anything; the queen is accused of sleeping with another man and she's executed.

Just saying...

At least in Islam they both get stoned.


Mona said...

"you must learn how to control men by letting them think that they are the ones in control, that is the art of women."

That reminds me of "My big fat Greek Wedding" :)

UmmAbdurRahman said...

you know molly this is one of the problems that converts have. They are most often fooled into thinking that arab women are perfectly obedient women. I had a sister tell me once that you have to learn how to "train" you man without letting him know he is being trained.

Converts tend to be doormats and by no one's fault but their own. Why do we have to leave our identity and personality at the door. I will do so much for my husband, but I have limits and I eventually get my way. If I don't want to do something then I will not.

Laila Hussein said...

I liked your last comment about both of them being stoned. Yes, the true equality is in Islam.

Molly said...

Monita- did they have that in MBFGW? I don't remember that part. But really, its so true.

Like you said Ummabdurrahman, there are tons of converts who lay down for their husbands to walk all over them.

Lol, I am not one of them. As it sounds like you are not either. My husband fully realized how feisty I was before we married because I told him what I expected before he even proposed. And he still married me, but mashAllah he's a strong man too. I don't think he wanted a wife who would lay down and play dead.

I wish more converts realized that this isn't the way it has to be. I do know one convert I met who was a little on the crazy side of it. I think she liked being pushed around. So I let her do her thing and didn't say a word. She talked about how abusive he was with this kind of avid fascination. Some weird stuff. I left her alone.

But my mom isn't even married to an Arab, and has had little to do with them with the exception of my husband, and she even realized that women were the real power behind the house. They were just sneaky about it. And she tells everyone who asks her if she's worried about me being married to an arab.
I love my mom.

Laila- It really is. Alhumdulillah.

But still... men get to marry more than one and women don't... I don't necessarily thjink its equal, but Allahu Alim. Everything happens for a reason.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the comment from My Big Fat Greek Wedding when she said, "The man maybe the head but the women is the neck and she can turn the head whatever way she wants!"


Molly said...

Oh I forgot about that!!!!

So true.

So true.

Organic-Muslimah said...

How good was the movie? I was thinking of going alone to the movies and doing the whole big bucket of popcorn and soda.

Molly said...

Alone? It was a VERY well-acted movie. I love Scarlett Johanson (sp?) and Nathalie Portman. So it really was a good movie. And, strangely enough nowadays in American cinema, there wasn't as much sex as you would expect. Much to my delight, considering watching sex scenes with my mom is quite stressful.

Me being a history buff I already knew the outcome of the movie. But it was really, really good. Depressing, but definately a must see.

Sarah said...

YES reminds me of Big Fat Greek Wedding. I OWN that dvd and must say, I still think I'm Toula sometimes. Oh god it's so right... we have to make them think they got the ideas, they are in control... meh.

Molly said...

oh! babes, sorry I missed your call. Was eatin chinese and then in the movie so I figured I'd let it ring out rather than answer with a mouth full of pepper chicken.

Call me tonight if you can. Love yous lots.

UmmAbdurRahman said...

My good friend organic once told me islam isn't equal... but it is JUST!

Molly said...

True dat. It is, alhumdulillah.

Anonymous said...

They do? Not really. Never heard of a man getting accused adultery and being stoned. What country was that? I mean really. Honor for a woman means 1000 times more. You know it.

Anonymous said...

Look, I love Islam. I consider myself Muslim. That being said, I know that the honor of a woman carries higher weight. At least in PRACTICE. I have statistics to back up my position.

Molly said...

look turtle, obviously you don't make a distinction between real Islam and cultural Islam. I think thats something you need to study.

Tell me how many countries women or men are ever really stoned in anymore. Very few out of all the countries in this world that practice capital punishment.

In ISLAM both should be stoned.

End of story.

Manders said...

Hehe, oh I want to see that movie so bad! I love love loved the book!! I'm really into that old english stuff (like Jane Austen, etc).

It is true about women though. I don't really consider myself a "controlling" wife but I kinda drop hints or things that make Yasir do a certain thing or make a specific decision (that he thinks was ALL his idea!)

Manders said...

eh...as far as stoning goes, it is kinda jacked up if you hear of a woman getting in trouble for being raped or whatever (like in Iran)..so she gets busted for being out alone...and the men? what do they get? its crap in my opinion. so many get away with a tap on the wrist.

Kinda un-related but did you read in the news how a woman was forced to divorce her husband (in saudi arabia) because her family thinks her husband was "below" her. They were already married for a number of years too! I didn't know this but I guess in Saudi Arabia a woman's father can annul a marriage if he wants to. HOW is that Islamic in any way, shape, or form?

Molly said...

true that, it is pretty awful the things they call Islam in saudi. you should check out The Saudi Stepford Wife, shes on my blogroll. You'll love her site.

h sofia said...

Thanks for the review of The Other Boleyn Girl; I'm a history fan, as well, and was hesitant because the novel really diverges from the facts so much ... but I can accept historical fiction if it's entertaining.

It's true the woman and man are both supposed to be stoned, but I don't know when it's ever been equally applied. I wouldn't ever want to see or participate in a stoning. Eek!

Beheadings were so awful - at least Anne got a french-style execution, with a sword instead of an axe.