tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post7112988294813435338..comments2023-07-01T09:11:35.991-05:00Comments on The Confessions of a Multicultural Muslimah: A Thousand Fathers But My OwnMollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-44900409266432587752008-05-12T18:32:00.000-05:002008-05-12T18:32:00.000-05:00Molly,I'm so happy you found my post and sent me o...Molly,<BR/><BR/>I'm so happy you found my post and sent me over to your own. What a journey, huh? Dysfunctional Dads can be heartbreaking in 1000 ways. I can relate to your finding surrogate dads to fill the gap. I can also relate to your need to distance yourself from and care for your dad alone. So confusing. No matter how much we grow up, there's that confused child that lives within us, and she shapes everything we do, everyone we love, and everything we write. I look forward to reading more. It's an honor to be blogrolled on your site. :) --madelineAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-8201066174268194152008-02-22T09:11:00.000-06:002008-02-22T09:11:00.000-06:00Anon- Thank you. It really can make a difference, ...Anon- Thank you. It really can make a difference, I had plenty of bad examples in my life- most of my father's drug-addicted family for starters- but my mother was a strong woman who kept me from going down those lanes. I think I would truly have been lost if I hadn't had her. Alhumdulillah. I hope that things in your life are better now. :) The children really are the most vulnerable.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-40698890522570575582008-02-22T08:07:00.000-06:002008-02-22T08:07:00.000-06:00Assalamu alaikom,Thank you for sharing this with u...Assalamu alaikom,<BR/>Thank you for sharing this with us. I can see my own family in this post, except, unlike you, I found "substitute father" figures who were *NOT* healthy examples... What a difference that can make. How vulnerable we are when we are young and lacking the love and direction of a parent (or two). Insha'Allah, I hope your father has the strength and courage to finally overcome his addiction, one day.<BR/><BR/>With my respect...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-2477268782496854852008-02-20T09:25:00.000-06:002008-02-20T09:25:00.000-06:00you know thats kind of a cop out right?I didn't sa...you know thats kind of a cop out right?<BR/><BR/>I didn't say "Please post your reason so I can prove you wrong."<BR/><BR/>I said "Please post your reason so I can understand."Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-9347066714034600532008-02-19T16:50:00.000-06:002008-02-19T16:50:00.000-06:00I'm shying away with why I conclude (rightly or wr...I'm shying away with why I conclude (rightly or wrongly) about why I believe wearing a headscarf is not a religious requirement. I strongly believe we will have an endless debate -- you are strong in your conviction that it is so-mandated and I am similarily convinced that it is not. I am sure whatever points I bring up will naturally be disputed and countered. I have heard and read much of the commentary out there regarding hijab; what the shaykhs have asserted; and what is instructed in my halaqas. Nonetheless, jazakallah khairan for the invitation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-88331055798225876592008-02-19T15:46:00.000-06:002008-02-19T15:46:00.000-06:00gah! If only I could type in a straight line!I mea...gah! If only I could type in a straight line!<BR/><BR/>I meant to say that the AUTHORS she was referring to... not others.<BR/><BR/>Work has me fried.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-10754785078931488852008-02-19T15:45:00.000-06:002008-02-19T15:45:00.000-06:00Wow, please please please comment on my other post...Wow, please please please comment on my other post exactly why you believe it to not be mandated. I am absolutely fascinated and want to know your opinion.<BR/><BR/>And I agree that semantics are powerful (I graduated with a degree in Communication) so I see your point on the rejecting.<BR/><BR/>I guess one could argue that the others she was referring to actually do strongly reject the hijab. <BR/><BR/>But you are right in that referring to non-hijabis as being the other end from strong women of faith could come off judgemental. I will say that I know Sarah did not mean to come off that way at all, she said so in an email to me. <BR/><BR/>The caveat of your arguement is that hijab is not mandated, which brings me back around to: please please let me know how you came to that opinion on my other post.<BR/><BR/>I really respect your opinion as well.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-59156663440841625452008-02-19T15:19:00.000-06:002008-02-19T15:19:00.000-06:00Molly, I really respect your opinion. I am not se...Molly, I really respect your opinion. I am not set out to personally attack anyone -- I am only commenting on some statements regarding woman who wear or do not wear hijab and woman who are strong, confident muslims. <BR/><BR/>Nowhere did I remark -- nor imply -- in my comments that muslims who by virtue of understanding that hijab is an Islamic ideal are therefore judgemental of others who do not. <BR/><BR/>Words are very powerful. When a sister discusses literary characters -- fictional or real life -- and uses words like `rejecting Islamic ideals like hijab` to describe someone, I tend to examine word, for word, what the sister is saying. <BR/><BR/>Her use of the word `rejecting` is very intriguing. When Sarah inserts that word `rejecting`for those who choose not to wear hijab, she is implying that the non-hijabi is repudiating, refusing, and denying her Islamic obligation. <BR/><BR/> I can understand the desire for someone to want to read more about woman who wear hijab who are also strong and confident. But during this endevour, please do not dismiss the non-hijabis with the fanatics and spousal abuse victims -- in only makes you seem...umm...judgemental.<BR/><BR/>I have many friends and aquaintances who believe that hijab IS an Islamic ideal and it IS mandated by God. I am already well-aware of the arguments of head-covering. And I agree, we cannot pick and choose which ideals in order to accommodate an easier lifestyle or to suit my personal opinion. I do not wear a head-scarf because I understand it to NOT be religiously mandated.<BR/>And yes, ultimately Allah will be the judge of my piety.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-89280628531512825662008-02-19T09:41:00.000-06:002008-02-19T09:41:00.000-06:00Janene- your comment got a bit lost. Thank you ver...Janene- your comment got a bit lost. Thank you very much for your kind words, and you're right. I was very, very blessed by the men I found as surrogate fathers. I think a part of that is because I always sought, or I guess always found by the will of God, men who were very religion-oriented. I found them in the Community Church my mom dragged me to, later the Catholic Church I chose to attend, and then finally my walee who helped me find Islam. <BR/><BR/>I feel very much that God has structured my life in a very distinct way. And alhumdulillah I am a better person for it. <BR/><BR/>Thank you for coming and commenting. :)Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-66969351126291950362008-02-19T09:35:00.000-06:002008-02-19T09:35:00.000-06:00Gah, part of that came out wrong, I meant to say t...Gah, part of that came out wrong, I meant to say that I <B>do not</B>, and no one else either, have the right to judge you or anyone else. Only God can judge.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-36284649650599328822008-02-19T09:34:00.000-06:002008-02-19T09:34:00.000-06:00Not a hijabi- Nowhere in Sarah's comment did she s...Not a hijabi- Nowhere in Sarah's comment did she say anything about the presumed piety of the women writing the books who don't wear hijab. What she did say was "rejecting Islamic ideals like hijab" but she also must be prejudiced against those who take strict hijab because she called them fanatics. <BR/><BR/>One must set aside the chips on their shoulders. As a woman who does not wear hijab (according to your name) you took offense to a section of what she said and took it out of context. <BR/><BR/>I back her in that hijab IS an Islamic ideal and it IS mandated by God. Whether or not your piety should be judged by whether or not you wear it was not the topic of her comment. And in fact I know that I, and no one else, has the right to judge anyone. Only God can. <BR/><BR/>If you would like debate hijab as an islamic ideal I welcome you to hijack this comment strip as much as you would like.<BR/><BR/>However if you want to say that we are judging people by stating that its an islamic ideal, I'm afraid I'd prefer you leave your baggage at the door.<BR/><BR/>Thanks.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-41321016719719288542008-02-19T00:16:00.000-06:002008-02-19T00:16:00.000-06:00Salam,I do not wish to hijac this comments page bu...Salam,<BR/>I do not wish to hijac this comments page but will just point out that i was refering to fictional characters - not real people. I do not seek to judge people - i'm just pointing out a gap in the market at my bookstore!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09153891465124509794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-84690639292181034612008-02-18T23:42:00.000-06:002008-02-18T23:42:00.000-06:00Re: Sarah's comment about the lack of muslim blogg...Re: Sarah's comment about the lack of muslim bloggers who are strong confident women of faith -- usually, as she describes the majority of bloggers as those who are being being beaten, are fanatics, or "reject Islamic ideals like Hijab". <BR/><BR/>This is her personal opinion, and certainly she is entitled to it, but I believe she is quite prejudiced.<BR/><BR/>I know many strong, confident women muslim women who do not wear the headscarf -- which presumably Sarah would assert to be a key characterisitic of proper hijab. My friend, a doctor, who has taught arabic classes at the local masjid (located in a big city in Canada), who follows the five pillars steadfastly, who is one of the most extraordinary muslim woman I have ever met, does not wear hijab. <BR/><BR/> Currently, at my nearby masjid, my son attends arabic classes, and many of his teachers who teach classes there only wear hijab at the masjid and not outside of it. <BR/><BR/>Personally, I was on a ladies committee funded by our local masjid that helps needy families, maintain connections with reverts, social and religious services (counselling, family events, halaqas). A significant percentage (about 30 percent) of woman on this committee do not consistently wear hijab. Yet they are completely committed to Islam and making dawa and supporting muslim sisters. I would never presume, FOR ONE MOMENT, that these sisters were less devout or less committed to Allah.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-15610002681727392232008-02-18T22:54:00.000-06:002008-02-18T22:54:00.000-06:00Wow, that was an amazing biography. You are very ...Wow, that was an amazing biography. You are very fortunate/blessed/smart enough to not have been taken advantage of by some of the males out there -- you seem to have come across many decent, caring men.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-67079389578501296092008-02-18T12:47:00.000-06:002008-02-18T12:47:00.000-06:00Amina- Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry to kn...Amina- Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry to know that you won't. The thing thats so particular to parents is that they are the people we EXPECT to always be there and to always be strong. And they are the people who have the ability to disappoint us so thoroughly when they're not. And I think they're the ones who always leave the most lasting scars. <BR/><BR/>InshAllah yours heal :)Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-10275293150465300492008-02-18T10:58:00.000-06:002008-02-18T10:58:00.000-06:00salams sistervery interesting post. I know what yo...salams sister<BR/>very interesting post. I know what you might have gone through. I was also raised with out father and what I remember from time he spent with me is far from pinky memories of young princess- dady's daughter.It's wonderful that you succeed and got in touch with urs, I don't I don't think I will ever be with mine.Aminahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12029359701160450359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-48653698114642177922008-02-18T05:09:00.000-06:002008-02-18T05:09:00.000-06:00molly,AA. You can email me through gmail at my bl...molly,<BR/><BR/>AA. You can email me through gmail at my blogger id ummsafeer<BR/>sarahAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09153891465124509794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-77179005574509183942008-02-17T11:39:00.000-06:002008-02-17T11:39:00.000-06:00Safiyyah- ambos adictos? ay nina preciosa, me imag...Safiyyah- ambos adictos? ay nina preciosa, me imagino q horrible fue. Por seguro puedes comprender todas las emociones q se juntan en este blogpost. <BR/><BR/>And about the wali, true dat, you're right, but fatherhood comes in many forms. The support, love, family, open house, correction, and guidance that he offers me is what I wanted in a father. I have a father who can hug and kiss me, I needed one I could get advice from and feel secure in his house. The whole family, his wife and children, accept me as part of them. And thats part of fatherhood I think.<BR/><BR/>But my walee doesn't hug and kiss me or clean my bloody knees. I dont need that anymore. <BR/><BR/>As for sanity and dignity with my family, lol. You haven't met my family, sanity and dignity are long gone with them. lol. <BR/><BR/>Ok, not really. But sometimes sanity. <BR/><BR/>But thats all families I think.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-14790667370216116612008-02-17T11:04:00.000-06:002008-02-17T11:04:00.000-06:00As Salaamu Alaikum Sis:Una cosa personal para ti: ...As Salaamu Alaikum Sis:<BR/><BR/>Una cosa personal para ti: Ay, que cosa! Mi papa y mi mama eran adictos. Ambos! Que vida para los ninos. Dios te bendiga y tambien tu familia.<BR/><BR/>My dear sister, indeed an emotional and honest post and I can personally relate. As a writer, I have written numerous articles about my father. What courage it takes for you to write this post and to share it with us. I am proud of you! <BR/><BR/>May Allah (swt) heal your father and bring him to Islam/Ameen.<BR/><BR/>You never know sis, your dawah can do it!<BR/><BR/>It is a difficult balance to maintain the ties of kinship, while maintaining our sanity and dignity at the same time. <BR/><BR/>PS - watch with your wali ... his only role is to help you to get married! It's not the same as a mahram who may be both father AND wali.Safiyyahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07670659439981133346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-4461785950484669072008-02-17T10:55:00.000-06:002008-02-17T10:55:00.000-06:00LF- It was a good catharsis, I wrote it more in ho...LF- It was a good catharsis, I wrote it more in hope that it would reach out to others who have been through similar experiences. Kind of like you, I am assuming. Maybe some good will come out of it.<BR/><BR/>Mona- thanks dearest!<BR/><BR/><BR/>Sarah- I want to get a hold of you, how can I do that??Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-89362904862037083832008-02-17T07:33:00.000-06:002008-02-17T07:33:00.000-06:00Molly,Salams. I would love to talk about the subj...Molly,<BR/>Salams. I would love to talk about the subject more if u r willing. There is another anthology (UK based) which is accepting entries for dawa style letters - including from converts called Open letters open hearts - I think. It closes on 28/02 so u still have time to enter. I think they r called AlNajma Press.<BR/><BR/>I live in Saudi Arabia at the moment and so I see an awful lot of biographies and novels about Muslim women but i have yet to find one that I feel depicts a strong, confident woman of faith. Either they r beaten or they are fanatics or they reject islamic ideals like Hijab.<BR/><BR/>Good to get in contact with you.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09153891465124509794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-63093568129236059632008-02-17T03:42:00.000-06:002008-02-17T03:42:00.000-06:00Molly, MashaAllah what a beautiful post. Thanks fo...Molly, MashaAllah what a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing that.Mona Zenhomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17881961590047177174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-27087654963178710162008-02-16T23:13:00.000-06:002008-02-16T23:13:00.000-06:00salaamz molly, it sucks that sometimes our loved o...salaamz molly, it sucks that sometimes our loved ones dissappoint us. been there, too. brave of you to share, I hope it was cathartic.<BR/><BR/>peace<BR/>fatimaluckyfatimahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09401964343346156712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-38717371446383080792008-02-16T22:26:00.000-06:002008-02-16T22:26:00.000-06:00Ummlayla- I think thats kind of what made me post ...Ummlayla- I think thats kind of what made me post it. Its so much not a part of my life anymore that I almost forgot about it. After I talked about it with my coworker it made me sit down and think about the ways in which I have dealt with it and put it away. I'd love to hear from other people who have dealt with a similar thing and see how they dealt with it. These type of relationships fasctinate me: hence my degree in interpersonal communication.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2311539591983360613.post-16132468733588983142008-02-16T22:23:00.000-06:002008-02-16T22:23:00.000-06:00Umarah- inshAllah he will. I don't know that he's ...Umarah- inshAllah he will. I don't know that he's found peace so much as he's found peace with his mortality. When he went down to Arizona for my college graduation he told my mom that he didn't think he was going to live for much longer. Allahu Alim.<BR/><BR/>I'm glad that you've never had any personal experience with addict loved ones, inshAllah you never will.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501121330101103343noreply@blogger.com